“The mum who thought letting your baby come into your bed was ‘bad’ but now LOVES those 2am cuddles.”
“Definitely have kids because ‘adulting’ isn’t hard enough already and ‘free time’ is stupid.”
“Crying is communication, not manipulation. A swift, gentle response communicates in return. ‘I hear you. I am here. You can count on me.’”
So, I had this started 4 weeks ago and when it got busy at work, I completely forgot about it. But here it is…
Mamas, have you ever had a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you heard a baby crying, in his own way PLEADING, for his mom to hold him? Just crying and crying while his mom sits by and does NOTHING to console her own baby?
Me, too!
It makes me sad. It makes me feel so sick. Livid, even. It makes me want to hold the baby, myself. And it makes me want to slap some sense into his mother. I get this painfully strong need to hold that crying baby and comfort him with everything I have. Calming us both. Maybe it’s a form of anxiety, or maybe it’s just Mother’s Intuition, I don’t know. All I know is that I just want to scream at his mother that the so-called ‘cry it out’ method doesn’t work and just causes so many problems for her baby – including trust, at minimum. (From what I read, one of the worst is problems with the brain.)
Recently, I had an experience of just this. Someone I know very well, unfortunately, just had a baby not too long ago. She and her boyfriend seem to know nothing about caring for their poor son. First time I even met this little boy. He cried nearly the entire time, and my heart just broke for him. She just laughed while handing him off to others because they wanted to hold him. Not even trying to comfort her son. I felt helpless because he’s not mine to comfort, but I still felt that strong need. That poor baby just cried and cried. At one point, I was nearly in tears!
My sister told me, as I expressed my feelings with her, that they just need to find their way as new parents. Which is true, I guess, but I still had the hardest time working through my, for lack of a better term, ‘mom-xiety.’ (Yes, I just made that up. LOL!)
I have people telling me constantly that ‘cry it out’ is a great method. That it helps strengthen their lungs and they learn that they can’t always ‘get what they want.’
BULLHONKIE!!
Babies don’t understand any of that! What they do understand is that they are crying for you. They need you. You are that baby’s MOTHER, and you were meant to protect and care for your child. BE a mother to your baby!
DO YOUR DAMN JOB!
Now, I don’t remember those stages of my own life and my mom isn’t around to ask. My dad may not even remember. I don’t know. But I have seen my mom with the last 3 of my siblings. Josh, my 2nd to youngest brother, she was somewhat clingy. Probably thinking he was the last she’d have. Tia, my baby sister, she wasn’t really like that. Usually passed her off to me and my sister most of the time. Kay and I took more care of her than my mom did. Not really sure why, unless it had something to do with Tia’s dad (which is ridiculous considering it’s not her fault who her dad is). Now, Chase, my baby brother, she kept her hold on him like gorilla glue. But that didn’t really happen until he was probably a year old. I’m guessing that was because he was so needy before. I don’t know. My point is, I know it doesn’t work because my mom seemed to try using it on some of my siblings, perhaps even me. Mother’s Intuition is learning your baby’s language. I know from experience that babies respond better to love, cuddles, kisses, and most importantly talking!
Not neglect.
And that’s what ‘cry it out’ truly is. Neglect. End of story!
This was a post from my previous blog site. Originally posted: June 1, 2022.
