“Some people are in such utter darkness that they will burn you just to see a light. Try not to take it personally.”
“People inspire you, or they drain you. Pick them wisely.” – Hans F. Hasen
“Like arsenic, toxic people will slowly kill you. They kill your positive spirit and play with your mind and emotions. The only cure is to let them go.” – Denisse Lisseth
What is toxicity?
I don’t mean toxic chemicals. Or poisons. No, I mean toxicity in life and relationships. Toxic friends. Toxic family. Toxic situations. What does this type of toxic actually mean for us? How would you define it?
Honestly, I can’t even remember what a life without so much stress and BS is like. I mentioned before about things going downhill for my family…and it still is. It’s been so much crap luck this last year. Well, behind the scenes, though, is quite a different story as it’s been crappy for at least 20 years – TWO DECADES!
Now, I have family who just suck. No real nice way to say it, really. Some treat others like dirt. Some treat others like they don’t exist – fine with me. Then there are some who treat others like they’re still kids and they don’t like the way the other glanced in their direction…yea, not even exaggerating, unfortunately. These ones get so upset because, apparently, I don’t talk to them or add them on social media. The way I see it, efforts go both ways, am I right? I mean, this is pretty sad – I’m 35 years old and they still tell their mommy on me. And so, I make it a point to keep my distance…from all of them.
That, my dears, is toxic family.
Next, I had this friend, quite recently, who was in a very toxic marriage. I was there for her. I let her vent and listened to everything she had to say. I gave constructive feedback – the works. Now, I will never understand her situation or why she believed she had to stay for so long. Because I have never been in that situation or even that type of relationship. But she got out. She won. She saved her kids from him. And I was just so proud of her! I supported her 100%! She even found someone new and started healing. It was inspiring!
Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before she started deflecting onto those around her. And, of course, being around her nearly every day for 4 years, and being the closest to her, that meant I was put smack in the front of the line for all of it. I don’t know what it was – stress, exhaustion, whatever you want to call it – that made her that way or why, but I do know that I never deserved to be treated like dirt – especially from someone I considered a good friend. Nobody should be treated that way by anyone.
That’s a toxic friendship.
My example of a toxic situation? Happy to oblige. Currently I am working more than I’d like to because my family needs money – due to situations beyond our control. I don’t get to spend quality time with my husband or kids as much as I’d like. What time we do have together, hubby and I are too tired to actually do anything constructive or fun with our kiddos. My home is a mess because I’m exhausted and don’t have energy to keep it clean on a daily basis. I barely get time to spend with my sister…and rarely my old friends. Can’t even tell you the last time I spent a few hours with my dad. What time I do have to spend with anyone, either I’m too tired to or I force myself and end up exhausting myself further. Complete burnout!
I know I take on more than I can handle at times. Being asked to do more or having to step it up. I’m usually expected to take on more and more. I know I can’t always handle it all, but I always feel obligated to keep trying. I keep pushing myself. All of this on top of the crap piling on from the last year makes far more stress than most can handle at once. And the amount of stress I keep putting myself through is getting to be unbearable.
Now, some would debate whether this would be considered a toxic situation due to the many variables involved. Separately, I’d say sure – debate away! But all of this together is just too much all at once. Hence:
Toxic situation!
There’s only so much one person can handle. Just too much that’s happened this last year. Weirdly all within just under a year. It’s been a real struggle trying to decide on doing what’s best for me and my family. But what is that, exactly?
- Staying right where we are and running this course?
- Looking for new residence outside of town even if it costs more for the place?
- Giving up everything here and settling down elsewhere altogether?
I could definitely use a change of scenery. Oh yes!
But this isn’t just about me and what I want to do, myself. I have my husband and kids to think about. Of course, hubby would love to quit his job and move away. To be quite honest, if we could secure jobs and a place to live elsewhere, we’d probably just go at this point. I know he’s as fed up with all of our crap luck just as I am right now.
Alas, it’s just not that easy. We can’t just up and move anytime life gets hard. No matter how hard it actually does get. So, we shall make the best of our situation and focus on the things we can actually fix. I know two decades of toxic life isn’t easy to work through for anyone, but it isn’t too hard to avoid a good bit of it.
The one thing I’m really hoping to work out right now is my kids’ school. Their tuition is a bit more costly this year and our savings has dwindled due to reasons beyond our control this last year. Because of this, we ran out of normal options. So, when I saw an ad for raising money on a popular website, I brought it up to my husband. He said, ‘why not? Couldn’t hurt, right?’ I agonized over this for close to a week…maybe longer. Just seemed like most people would consider this begging and I’m not one for that. So, I did some research and after more consideration, I took the plunge. I wrote it all up first and then created the fundraiser for their school tuition. I shared it on my social media page and my longtime best friend shared it on hers.
Isn’t it just amazing when friends are more understanding than you ever thought and are even more willing to help out when you truly need it? Love ya, Kel! <3
If you’d like to check out our fundraiser, feel free. The link will be posted below. Our story will also have a few more details than in this blog post. Any type of support helps. 🙂
Oh, I know. Compared to so many out there, we have it great. I know this. That’s why I agonized over this, and everything else falling apart, for so long. We’re just trying to make our crap luck turn around. Even if it’s only for our kids’ school. They deserve better than what we’ve had as of late. Oh, and my agonizing over this? Left over from 20 years’ worth of toxic family, friends, and life situations. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
So, what is toxicity? It really doesn’t matter how you define it. As long as you know the difference between what it is and what you actually deserve. You can avoid it and live a great life.
Do not let it take over. You deserve better! <3
Abby and Oliver’s Christian Tuition
(This is a post from my old site. Originally posted July 4, 2023.)
